Do you know the way to San Jose?

Kamlesh didn't. And nor did this writer. I imagine there are only two clubs on the planet that have a second, separate pitch in Mill Hill. But despite our familiarity with this concept, we still decided to travel to the Hatch End of the world instead.

A deserted car park. An unmarked wicket. Sight screens out of position. It was too quiet.

The captain calls and says 'where are you'. 'We're here' I say. The captain says 'great'. Then the vague recollection of another ground swims across from the subconscious and the driver gets a sinking feeling. 'Um. Where are you?'. 'We're here too' says the captain. 'Great... when you say 'here', where is 'here' exactly?'. 'Mill Hill'. Shit.

The normally vociferous Wasif was stunned into silence. Even Sri was lost for words. Saturday afternoon drivers, buses, fire engines, traffic lights, roundabouts, pedal to the metal, wrong turnings, looking at the phone sat nav then looking up as the car in front gets very close very quickly. 30 minutes late; might it be a long day?

Marcel opens and Kamlesh, still looking for his A-Z drops a catch off the first ball. But amends made as the stumps shatter in the same over and the riot begins. Flustered driver opens at the other end and despite starting on course (up the A1) and taking a wicket, soons runs off course (A410) and is quietly withdrawn. 

But as Wasif floated in and with a full Frei-up at the other end, wickets tumbled, fielding was slick and by 3pm, the opposition were all out for 61, Mark and Kishore were out in the middle and we already had 24 on the board. Mark scooped one to mid-wicket and then decided he might have to drop himself if the run of form (1 game) continued. But Keith took up the chase and Shiva took to hitting a 9-iron across the outfield.

Then for some reason we all stopped for tea. Which might have been worth it had it not been limp ham sandwiches and a few tea cakes.

Back out for 20 minutes and it was all over. A potentially tricky Lohana-banana skin was quickly and easily avoided. Marcel bowled beautifully (6-24) and there were good performances from Wasif (2-12), Kishore (33*) and fielding was tight all round.

For next week, directions to Shepherd's Cot welcomed.